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Who are we meeting you ask?
Stephanie @ Because of Love
Stephanie just miscarried a 10 week old baby. :( I went to her blog tonight and thought - Yep, this sweet lady needs a listening ear, prayers, and some blogger hugs. Stephanie is the wife of a police officer and the momma of a very cute little girl. She said she loves to make new "bloggy friends" so I'm happy to send you her way! :)
Here are some of Stephanie's favorite blogs:
What Is Family Integrated Living?
Some of you have asked me, "What exactly IS Family Integrated Living?". Let me put it this way.
Family - Parents and their children
Integrated - Combining or Coordinating separate elements so as to provide a harmonious, interrelated whole
Living - Being Alive
Family+Integrated+Living = Parents and their children coordinating their lives together so as to be a harmonious interrelated whole - WHILE BEING ALIVE! :)
If you've read my book, you know how important parent, child and sibling relationships are to me and my husband. One reason I'm so grateful for Anna's life is that her life taught us to appreciate being together - to truly prefer one another - to cherish our time together. It was forced in the beginning because it was absolutely necessary that we avoid illness and germs in the home for Anna's benefit - but it was eventually enjoyed and savored. Our time together as a family is and always will be... a blessing.
Anna's now gone and do you think I regret for one second those years of family integrated living? No way. I'm so grateful for what we learned and the way we lived with her that I can't even accurately express my joy with words. Our family continues to stick together. We not only dwell together, but we interact. We play games together. We watch movies together. We eat together - sometimes while watching a movie. We take turns doing dishes. We shop together. We take turns playing with little people (and it's not a chore). We rub one another's necks when we have a headache. We utilize each others gifts and talents. We encourage one another. We talk about everything! We pray together. We worship together. We love each other deeply.
Let's face it, families all around us are falling apart. Friends outside the home are often more important to children than their own siblings. Children often turn to their youth group leaders, pastors and Sunday school teachers rather than their own parents. I can understand this if the family isn't close to the Lord and the child/teen wants to be - they need others to turn to for counsel and advice. But it's happening in Christian homes as well. Parents are giving the important job of raising their children to these leaders. While these leaders may be wonderful, God fearing people, they don't love our children like we do. How can they? But more importantly, they are not the ones who God will hold accountable regarding our children. No, it's not their responsibility, it's ours.
"Father's provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Eph. 6:4
(A virtuous woman) - "Her children arise and called her blessed." (How can they if mother isn't doing her job.) Proverbs 31:28
"...And these words, which I command you this day, shall be in your heart. And you shall teach them diligently unto your children, and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up..." Deut. 6:6-9
How can we teach the scriptures to our children if we are never with them? We need to be with them at bedtime...in the morning ...when we're working, playing, creating - we need to take every opportunity to share the love of Christ with them. We learn best with real life application opportunities.
Someday when our children are grown and gone from the home, what relationships are going to matter the most? Who will they spend the holidays with? Who will they go to when there is tragedy or sorrow in their life? Who will they go to with good news? I want my children to call us, call each other, have meals together. I don't want them to come to our home or their siblings homes out of obligation. I want them to look forward to their time with those they grew up with...those they made memories with. Friends do have their place, and they are a blessing, but those friends will ... have their own families.
I once read a book called The Basket of Flowers. It was a story about a father and his daughter. The wife and other children had died from illness and this father and daughter were the only two remaining. I absolutely loved this book. This man lived his faith beautifully and taught his daughter as he lived it. He didn't sit down for in depth bible studies. He didn't make her memorize huge portions of scripture. It wasn't a strict life of rules and ritualism. It was a father living, working (mostly working in his garden) - with his daughter by his side. He taught her through parables and stories. He applied the scriptures to real life and affected her heart in a sincere way. It was a deep and beautiful relationship. I was greatly inspired to raise my children that way.
I know there are a million reasons why people run so many directions. There are different interests amongst family members and everybody has to have their own activity, right? I know that each family is different in size, in gifts and talents, etc. Each family has a right to make up their own minds concerning these things. However, I personally think that social events, ministries, sports, academic competitions and classes, etc. only add to the individual in their skills and associations. I believe they have the potential to take away from the most valuable opportunities those children will ever have - parent and sibling relationships.
Our family has always limited our activities outside of the home as individuals. Our kids have had instrument practice, and have participated in choirs. They've spent the night with friends and spent time socializing outside our home, but it's the exception, not the rule. These activities are kept to a minimum so that it doesn't keep us running so many different directions. There are eight of us and it could get pretty tiring if we allowed every single person in our home to have an activity that took them outside of the home each week.
We feel that we are sacrificing something good for something better. I guess it's kind of like a families choice to live without a tv or without an abundance of toys. There are benefits to having those things for sure, but in living without them those families feel they're making room for things they feel are better. That's the view we have from here. We are giving up perfectly good things for things that we feel are better - eternal relationships.
There's so much more on this subject. I'll post part two next week... If you have any questions so far, just ask.
**Kyle gave a 50 minutes message on this subject (kind of an overview of Family Integrated Living). I'm offering this CD free with the purchase of my book through today (Friday). It's part ONE. There will be a part TWO which will be practical application (how to) live family integrated.
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